Library (Review): 'And The Mountains Echoed' by Khaled Hosseini

I can't read David Sedaris on the train because people think I am insane when I laugh out loud. I can't read Khaled Hosseini coz they think I'm a lunatic for quietly weeping.
The structure of ‘And the Mountains Echoed’ isn't new to literature, but it is new to Khaled Hosseini’s published works. Each chapter is one character’s own story which contributes to one shared inter-generational, multi-country epic. Each character contributes a few more puzzle pieces to the one hundredish-year-long story. This resulted in ‘And the Mountains Echoed’ making me feel like my year 7 self, anxiously waiting to see how Friday’s Home and Away cliff-hanger would be resolved on Monday. But unlike Home and Away this story has heart, twists and turns to make your soul and brain ache. The stakes in this story make finding out whether Gypsy is a lesbian entirely inconsequential. I thoroughly enjoyed Hosseini’s last two books (as did the rest of the world, including the thousands of VCE students with The Kite Runner on their reading list). But I’d be hard pressed to recall the narrative to you today. However due to the detective work required to hunt after detail in this new book I feel confident I will be able to remember just what happened to Abdullah, Pari and Nabi for many years.Hosseini’s stories are true to life. There are no fairy-tale endings, but neither is everything 100% dire. The realities facing the characters are harsh but because nothing is unrealistically tidied away tiny joys are magnified. Tragedy after tragedy may occur yet humans press on. (How very Chekhovian).

5 out of 5 Peacock Feathers

(Personal Training) Early Risers

What they do at 6 am is anyone’s guess. I only know that they’re incredibly self-righteous about it, and talk about the dawn as if it’s a personal reward, bestowed on account of their great virtue.
– David Sedaris

When my alarm went off at 4:50 am this morning I immediately regretted every decision in my life that had led me to that moment. Then I poured myself out of bed, put on my Personal Trainer uniform and headed off to work. ‘Oh, Woe is me!’ I thought to myself. Usually I ride my bike to early gym shifts, it’s free, quick and impresses my manager. However after 5 weeks away overseas flat tyres and cold winds led me to take the train. When I ride I take back streets and rarely see another person. I can quite easily convince myself that I am the only person in the city forced to wake at this ungodly hour. I simultaneously congratulate myself and feel terrible at the same time.  Taking the train is an entirely different story. When I get to the main road I don’t even think to ‘Look to the right, look to the left, then look to the right again’ because no one’s gonna be on the roads at this time right? I am nearly killed flat by a Toyota Corolla. As I approach the shopping centre through the dark morning, a panel van slowly pulls up beside me... ‘Oh my God’ my brain screams ‘that man’s going to blow up the ATM’ (This has happened in my suburb before and presumably the perpetrators prefer the cover of darkness). Then the man gets out of his van and starts to unpack newspapers in front of the newsagent - proving my suspicious mind wrong, teaching me that darkness is not just for criminals. As I climb the stairs to the train station I expect to be the sole shivering person waiting for the 5:19 am. Once again, I am proved wrong as the platform is packed: Who are these people - and what are they doing? The men in fluoro vests are easy, but the two teenagers huddled together in a corner away from the wind? The boy wearing Adidas shorts with a raincoat? The 80 year old woman with neatly permed hair? WHERE ARE THEY GOING? The train arrives (no chance for delays this early!) and although it is only the second train of the day it is difficult to get a seat.

We are a mixed bunch: Tradies, cleaners, environmental engineers, baristas, man doing his tax with pages spread out on four seats around him (?!). But we have one thing in common... We all look entirely unenthusiastic. Yet despite the scowls and gentle snores surrounding me, I feel oddly comforted. Contrary to my self-pity 29 minutes earlier, I am not the only person in Melbourne forced to endure this insane wake-up call. Feeling a spark brighter than before, I wedge myself between two seats, close my eyes and enjoy the 4 minutes of napping I can steal before Melbourne Central.

(Acting) MICF Weeks 2 & 3 Roundup

Ali McGregor's Late-Nite Variety-Nite Night: When Ali McGregor sings she makes me want to dig a hole, curl up in it and never perform again. She is just so damn good I feel there is no point even trying anymore. But then eventually I climb out of my hole of despair, turn on my keyboard and keep practicing my scales.
I could go the Ali's Nite Nite Night every Night. She is sensational, her guests vary from insanely talented to hilarious and the house red at the Spiegeltent is quite good.

This is Siberian Husky The Misery Factory: This is the best show I have seen these boys do. In addition to neat physical work and hilarious sketches the premise of this show gave it a whole other level of quality. The Misery Factory made me laugh hysterically whilst simultaneously wanting to sob about the misfortune of strangers. Also jokes about OH&S always please me.

Daniel Oldaker Dandyman: Daniel Oldaker delivers some of the best clowning and physical comedy that I have ever seen. I have never been sexually attracted to a juggler before but Dandyman changed that. His costume is lovely, on and off.

Hannah Gadsby Happiness Is A Bedside Table: I don't like women comics and I don't like self-deprecating comedy where the comic mocks their own weight, but I love Hannah Gadsby. She manages to make us laugh at her incredibly embarrassing, depressing stories whilst still feeling a glimmer of happiness.

Josh Thomas Douchebag: I love Josh Thomas. When he started following me on Instagram was one of the highlights of my online life. But perhaps miss this show. Wait until he's calmed down from the work he poured into 'Please Like Me' and has time left over to write a stand-up show. And join me in praying he doesn't click on any links on my facebook page (because we are friends!) which lead him to this review.

Sam Simmons Shitty Trivia: 'Mysterious shoe, mysterious shoe...'. Last night I wore a Ralph Lauren Cashmere sweater over a pinstripe shirt handmade in the 30s. I sat next to 3 boys wearing a combination of Beer Bintang shirts and flannelette drinking VB. Sam Simmons has the unusual ability to make these two polar opposite demographics cack ourselves laughing and knock over our stubbies/wine glass. Great use of slideshow.

(Acting) MICF Week 1 Roundup

Although comedy doesn't necessarily fall into any of the 'Threat' categories my acting skills are at work during my cabaret 'Twinkle Twinkle: the Confessions of a Child-Hating Children's Librarian' which is currently showing as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival (www.trybooking.com/chft).
With that reasoning, here's my thoughts on the shows I saw in week 1.

Lawrence Leung's Part-Time Detective Agency: Lawrence is super cute and super hilarious. As are his parents who feature in this show. Sherlock Holmes, awkward revelations and punctuation all feature, guaranteeing a successful comedy show in my mind. 

David Quirk Shaking Hands with Danger: I loved how David discussed his downfallings in such an open, truthful way. Most people who cheat on their girlfriends keep quiet, defend themselves or deny it. David does none of these. Plus he wrote a comedy show about it. To quote Jessica Phillips (EMA) 'It was really good. There weren't many jokes and at the end it was a bit depressing'. 

Jon Bennett Fire in the Meth Lab: (Disclosure: I know Jon. He is funny.) Jon is an engaging storyteller. His show is original, funny and amazingly, true. Lovely use of set and Jason Donovan material.

Charlie Ranger and Nicholas Waxman A Sunburnt History: (Disclosure: I know Charlie and Nick. They are funny.) In this show Charlie and Nick display their well honed skills in accent, slapstick and quick costume change. Great pace, lots of quirky jokes AND educational.

(Library) Review: HOW TO BE A WOMAN by Caitlin Moran

I feel guilty giving this book a Rave Review. Not in the least because it doesn't deserve it but because every single person I have spoken to about it does. Perhaps instead I should shout the praises of books that haven't made the headlines. Perhaps 'Get Well Soon!' by Kristy Chambers or 'Why We Broke Up' by Daniel Handler. But nope, they'll have to wait as I loved 'How To Be a Woman' and have to exercise my Womanish Roaring and let everybody know.
Originally I was unenthusiastic about reading this book, it's about feminism and I find feminism icky. Luckily a highly intoxicated friend did some convincing debating of her own and made me pinky promise to try it. (Don't you dare not call me a party animal, after a few Moscatos I am ready to discuss BOOKS!). A few pages in and I was completely won over. Caitlin Moran is like able, hilariously self-deprecating and she doesn't hate men. She does hate high heels but we can't expect to agree on everything. She covers almost everything. Puberty, Boys, Work, Brazilians, Fashion, Germaine Greer, Sexism and Katie Price. Her insights are very original with the ability to make me rethink my very stubborn opinions.
Read this book. Your eyes will be opened and you won't even have to lick any menstrual blood.
4 and a half bum gropes out of 5.

(PT, Library, Acting)

Schedule Thursday 21st March
6am - Instruct Outdoor Fitness Session #1
10am - Induction at new PT job
2.15pm - E resource training at Library
4pm - Learn Lines
5.30pm - Instruct Outdoor Fitness Session #2
6.30pm - Instruct Outdoor Fitness Session #3
8pm - Rehearse

I think this may have been my most TripleThreat day ever.

(Acting) 'Twinkle Twinkle' tickets now on sale!

Rich Fulcher has started promoting his MICF show so guess I better keep up!

Twinkle Twinkle: the Confessions of a Child-Hating Children's Librarian will be returning for a two week run as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Seats are limited and available now.

I cracked myself up today whilst writing new baby related material which is hopefully a good sign.

Go ahead, Click.

http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2013/season/shows/twinkle-twinkle-the-confessions-of-a-child-hating-children-s-librarian-kelly-rose-ryan

http://www.trybooking.com/CHFT